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20

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232

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16:06:00

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Welcome to the Galactic News Service
Galaxy's Most Legitimate Government Endorses Sith Banking Operation
Posted by: Syn, Eidola Pirates
Date: Year 18 Day 72 Onboard the Fairwind-class Gunship Fairwind in system Y`Toub (325, -20).
HUTT SPACE--The galaxy reacted with distracted indifference this week as CorEx announced that its operations would now be headed by the infamous Dark Lord of the Sith, Mikel von Bianchi. Illicitly hacked viewer ratings revealed that most sentients apathetically flipped back to the latest installment of groundbreaking new soap opera, As the New Republic Turns, but the galaxy's finest and most honest government responded with overt approval.

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"This is exactly the opportunity we here at the Eidola Department of Legal Embezzlement have been waiting for," said spokeswoman Meera Wubb in a statement to the Galactic News Service. "For some reason, previous banking companies just didn't want to store our treasure in a top secret bank account that couldn't be traced back to us. They all claimed they were 'too legitimate' to deal with us, even after we pinky promised that all funds were legally obtained through proper channels under Eidola's authorized Finders Keepers policy. But not so with CorEx! As soon as we discovered that the company was now being led by a Sith Lord, we just knew it had to be politically neutral and DTF. That's 'down to finance' in banking terminology, of course."

The department director, Meira Wabb, personally delivered the first load of pirate booty to the nearest CorEx location. She spoke highly of her experience.

"The tellers were extremely professional and courteous when they learned that it was my first time," Wabb reported. "They wasted absolutely no time in taking all my money and locking it out of my reach. I was in and out like a greased up Twi'lek! I highly recommend the experience to anyone looking for a money storage so secure even you won't be able to make withdrawals! After all, if you can't access your credits, neither can the thieves. 10/10, would use again."

High praise indeed from the galaxy's oldest and most reputable government. With CorEx legitimately transferred to Sith control following a perfectly mundane and not the least bit suspicious accident befalling its prior CEO, pirates and smugglers across the galaxy can rejoice at last at having a top notch banking company to fulfill all their needs, even the financial ones.


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Events in Brief
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