We here at Jawa Entertainment and News have heard your complaints loud and clear: you’re tired of long, factual, unbiased news articles detailing exactly what is occurring at the high level of the galaxy. When the story by the Daily Jawa, a well respected gossip holostation on Tatooine, reached record viewership during their coverage of the K’teefah brothers, it was clear to us on which kind of stories we should focus. So, without further ado, here is the little guy report, covering the day-to-day activities and hijinks that Jawas have been getting up to following Tatooine Independence Day.
The K’teefah brothers being interviewed. As the story is already well publicized, we will not be covering it.
Firstly, there is no way we could avoid mentioning the celebrations that have been occurring across Tatooine. While those of the K’teefah brothers have surely taken the spotlight, Jawas across the planet have been celebrating the Jawa “government” now in place and the immediate repeal of all restrictions on salvaging. However, many are celebrating for far more personal reasons. It may come as a surprise to our viewers, but many Jawas have actually been indicted on charges of property crimes in the past, and were forced to flee their homeland in order to evade imprisonment, or in some cases, even fines. With these Jawas now able to return, there have been numerous reports of Jawas being reunited with their families and their clans for the first time in years.
Celebrations have also been spreading to the other planets throughout the system. Sentients on Adriana were also seen celebrating, although for slightly different reasons. With their taverns closed down, those working to gather ice out of the rings of the gas giant to convert to water had been left unable to get a good drink. Jawa Olaf Borzon took it on himself to ensure that these sentients would not be left hanging out to dry, and oversaw the reopening of both of the taverns on the planet. Ice farmer Kynon Nakada had the following to say to the JEN reporters on scene: “I’ve been round these parts for a while, and being in a system controlled by those little buggers isn’t really my thing. But I can’t deny, ice farming is a ‘ard job and that lil fella brought back ‘ard liquor!” A truly great endorsement of the Jawa people.
Sadly, not every Jawa could be at Tatoo in order to celebrate. The head of Jawa Offworld Enterprises himself, Ini Kedi, was notably absent from many of these celebrations due to bravely heading back to Imperial-occupied Sasan in order to oversee the final evacuation of salvage that had been gathered from the planet. Broadcasting in hyperspace on his way back to Tatoo, Ini had the following to say: “We Jawas have few rules we live by and I live by what my mama always told me. No Jawa left unrobed, no droid left untouched, and no salvage left behind. I wish that I could be there in the streets of Bestine watching the K’teefah brothers firsthand, but duty comes first. On an unrelated note, if you were the owner of the GNKs with serial numbers #626340 and #626341, I can say that I personally saw them falling in a lava lake in Sasan. For real, they aren't inside my ship on their way to a memory wipe. Seriously.” Ini is truly an inspiration for us all and the salvage will surely be put to good use, such as being sold at high prices to the humans in the next sector over.
Ini Kedi’s passionate speech has seen his approval ratings go up dramatically.
Due to the newfound surge in Jawa salvaging operations, many Jawas have had to look farther than just the deserts of Tatooine to find financial success in salvage. One unlucky Jawa, Alar Zel, was attacked by a squadron of what can only be assumed to be pirates while attempting to salvage space debris from a recent battle in the Arkanis sector. A wing led by Jaeik Bonzo from the newly formed Jawa Exploratory Salvage Squadron was quickly dispatched upon receiving the report that salvage was still unclaimed in the area, and has since managed to secure the salvage and repel the pirates. Jawas have been dispatched throughout the Arkanis sector to attempt to locate the pirate base and promising sites for salvage operations. Alar Zel is expected to make a full recovery after the rescue operation, even though we at JEN doubt he will find financial success in his salvaging expeditions.
Some Jawas have even been looking to move out of salvage entirely. This is notably occurring on the moon of Chenini, which has been seeing a number of initiatives regarding Jawa industry under Jawa manager, Kolo Seph, with a large number of transport ships being sighted travelling to and from the moon. However, far more interestingly, the Jawa Mak Kaz is looking to start up a chain of Tatooine-themed destination restaurants to capitalize on a recent surge in Jawaphiles. The first of these is set to open in the next month, even though worryingly no location has been determined yet after the endorsement from the K’teefah brothers took a turn for the worse due to the Zhellic fiasco. Features of the restaurant include: a floor made out of real Tatooine sand, no refills on water “since that’s how it is in the desert,” meals served on old droid parts, and mini-sandcrawlers to entertain the kids. Critics argue that most of the Tatooine theming is simply a cover for avoiding spending money on commonly accepted niceties like flooring; however, they can’t argue with the predicted profit margins!
Regardless of exactly what schemes Jawas are pursuing, one thing is clear: Jawa Offworld Enterprises and Tatooine are committed to free trade. Sentients of any race or affiliation looking to open up a business could not find a better place, with minimal if any vetting being in place for those visiting the planet Tatooine. As a part of this initiative, a trade station in the Tatoo system is expected to open to the public in the next few weeks through the JOE partnership with Twin Suns Trading. Makes your sales before you even hit the sand!
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Jawa Entertainment and News hopes to have shed light on the stories that matter to you. We’re not sure what the next few weeks will hold, but we hope nothing interesting is on the news, at least until we report it.
