Grand-Moff Marmot Walker, of the Pentastar Alignment [PTA], has been replaced by former Minister of Industry Anubis Hothyck. The abrupt takeover happened overnight and was entirely bloodless. Reports from within the PTA indicate that the now entitled “Grander-Moff” Anubis Hothyck declared, in front of the Moff-Council, that he was now the highest-ranking member of the organisation, after promoting himself. The Moff-council greeted the news incredulously at first but, after several hours of examining paperwork, accepted Grander-Moff Anubis Hothyck as their rightful leader.
Accusations that Grander-Moff Anubis Hothyck had threatened, or otherwise intimidated the Moff Council were swiftly denied by all parties. Moff Dane Star gave a statement that “all my family are safe, no one has been harmed, and there was nothing wrong with anything that occurred.”
In addition to promoting himself to Grander-Moff, Anubis Hothyck granted himself four additional medals. Two were for classified acts of “Bureaucratic Bravery,” one was for services to the PTA and the fourth was the “Mineral-Economists Cross.” Moff Dane Star was appointed second in command shortly after accepting a pay cut.
Our Reporter was able to reach the new Grander-Moff for a specific explanation:
“Look… It says right here in the fine print of our founding contract: The Minister of Industry has the power to promote whosoever they choose, to whichever position they choose, answerable only to the Grand Moff, in times of emergency.”
“Mmmhmmm...And it’s an emergency?” said the reporter.
“Article 7.6 B states: an emergency may be declared by the minister of industry in such occasions as a fire in factories, destruction of key assets, major disruptions in supply chains...yadda, yadda, yadda…”
“What was the emergency exactly?”
“Well, there was the destruction of a key asset, of course.”
“What exactly got destroyed?”
“This box of potentially incriminating holoreels I found in Grand Moff Marmot Walker’s desk.”
Anubis pulled out a mallet and continued smashing the box of holoreels.
“Holoreels are key assets?”
“Article 4.5 C states that the Minister of Industry may declare whatsoever items they deem crucial to the productive capacity of the Pentastar Alignment as… So you see, this is all completely legal.”
“Did Grand Moff Marmot Walker object?”
“Article 8.3 A states that the Grand Moff has 24 hours to object. He did not.”
Muffled screams could be heard coming from a trapdoor to the right of Anubis’s desk; coincidentally where he also asked me to stand.
“No, in fact, he’s happy I promoted myself to Grander-Moff.”
“So were there any economic repercussions because of this promotion?”
“Well yes. I’m proud to say that the Alignment is operating at 0% unemployment.”
“Incredible, and how did you manage to achieve that?”
"There was a number of redundancies creating during the reshuffle, however, we managed to maintain zero unemployment within the alignment by encasing a number of our citizens in carbonite”
“Ah yes… It looks like there are command staff on this list. Why is that?”
“Well, there’s no longer a need for command staff now that I’m assuming their roles.”
"Is there a particular reason you chose a Lictor-Class dungeon cruiser for this announcement?"
“The darkness of our prison ship reminds me of the caverns back on Sullust; oh those were the days. If you don’t mind following me into this cell, I can show you the lovely aesthetic?”
“No, no. I think I must be… I must be leaving. I have… appointments.”
Our reporter also secured a follow-up interview with Edward Revanchist, leader of the Echani Dominion. The dominion was absorbed into the Alignment several years ago and Edward has since taken up the title of “Prime”. We will have further information as it becomes available.
