“A Sad Song of Fire and Music: The Tragic Comedy of Ailon Nova Guard . . .”

Sentients throughout the galaxy were recently treated to the latest chapter of “The Tragedy of Ailon Nova Guard.”  This musical extravaganza captures the tragic saga of a once proud and strong militarized organization relevant to galactic affairs, now reduced to the galaxy’s laughing stock.  In truth, it should serve as a stark lessons on the failures of leadership and to inspire a generation of competent leaders.

Pictured: A showing of “The Tragic Comedy of Ailon Nova Guard” on Qiilura

In a recent holonet broadcast, Ailon Nova Guard jubilantly announced to the galaxy their capture and execution of Trsid “The Butcher of Vectinia” Titan, a former member of the Nova Blades.  However, was there any merit to this claim, or did Ailon deliberately misrepresent what in fact occurred to regain some semblance of galactic relevance?

As is common in any fantasy yarn, Ailon told a tale that simply invented their participation in the story of Trsid Titan's death.  This tale portrayed Ailon capturing the Butcher of Vectinia, placing him on trial, and subsequently executing him. Yet, at no time was Trsid in the custody of Ailon or its allies while alive.   In truth, Ailon’s grasp on reality has become as embarrassingly weak and impotent as their feeble grip on its former “Grand Armada” fleet of Mon Calamari warships and vast territories.

Nowhere is this more obvious than Ailon’s fairy tale account of Trsid’s demise.  In reality, Nova Blades grew distrustful of Trsid in the weeks preceding his death because of his ever-increasingly suspicious activities and communications.  This distrust created legitimate security concerns amongst Nova Blades and Zann Consortium’s leaders prompting an operation by Zann that quickly resulted in Trsid’s arrest.  Subsequently, Trsid’s refusal to explain the suspicious activities and communications during interrogation demonstrated that he could no longer be trusted. In a move to draw out potential co-conspirators, Trsid was given to Rar Lunko and the Blood Razors, who began soliciting bids for him.  

This plan proved fruitful as an individual using the pseudonym Quantius, sought Trsid’s release.  Unable to match Quantius’ allegedly meager offer, Ailon sought out the financial support of its allies.  For unknown reasons, the Trade Federation wastefully sunk a reported three billion credits into their lapdog’s depleted bank accounts -- more than sufficient to overcome Quantius’ bid.  

Cowardly refusing to collect Trsid on their own, Ailon dispatched a henchman from Wraiths to pick him up.  Before the exchange could occur, however, Trsid committed suicide. Despite this, Ailon completed the trade deal exchanging three billion credits for Trsid’s corpse.

Pictured: Viceroy Jacob Jansen Reportedly Expressed Regret During a Closed Cabinet Session

To be clear, at no time did Ailon Nova Guard have anything to do with the demise of Trsid.  However, such grand claims to the contrary are not surprising given the continued decline of Ailon’s relevance.  Given their tenuous grasp of the truth, it is hard to determine what other delusions and fantasies Ailon might try to pass off as fact in the future.

There remain a handful of poor, unbalanced souls who still grasp at the tattered shreds of what little remains of Ailon Nova Guard.  Ailon’s leadership continues to regurgitate their unhinged rants, claiming the accomplishments of others as their own.  These efforts are driving the once-formidable organization further into debt purchasing corpses. Nova Blades sympathizes with the suffering of the pitiful few remaining under Ailon’s boot.  As such, and in the finest traditions of philanthropy, Kohl Straffer, his command team, and the members of Nova Blades have pledged to invest huge sums of credits in building a network of sanctuaries and asylums throughout the galaxy.  Their stated hope is that these individuals receive the immediate access to the care and attention they so desperately seek.

Pictured: Lorenzas Atticus restrained after attacking an Ailon citizen who questioned the decision to spend three billion credits on Trsid Titan’s corpse.

We strongly caution all sentients, whether Ailon or not, to exercise tremendous care when dealing with the unhinged leadership of Ailon Nova Guard.  Their fragile nature and continually declining mental and emotional states have given rise to volatile attitudes and sudden bouts of violence, as one Ailon citizen recently learned.  Of course, the Nova Blades are more than happy to receive them at any of their state of the art asylums so they can receive the help and attention they so desperately seek.