Shili Free Press received a transmission from Krmar II that was abruptly cut-off. However, we were able to compile the following report based on the information downloaded before the data stream ended.
The galaxy was shocked to learn that Corey Vildras, second in command of the Duchy of Tolanda, had been captured by Simkin Dragoneel, leader of the galactic kingdom known as the Faerytail Family, during a series of hostilities on the embattled planet Krmar II. The arrest was personally overseen by Dragoneel himself, assisted by elements of Faerytail Family's military.
As is often the case with live reports from combat zones, the initial reports were quite confusing. Within hours of Vildras’ capture, conflicting stories of Vildras’ suicide or death at his captors’ hands spread through various media outlets. Later reports confirmed that Vildras was indeed alive, and that any means he might have tried to use to take his own life had failed to have their intended effect. He was attended to by Faerytail medics and had soon recovered enough to shout out defiantly to his captors, “Tolanda does not negotiate! I have died with honor, giving my life for my nation!” Apparently, the great shock of being arrested impaired his awareness that he wasn't actually dead.
Vildras was whisked away by Faerytail security forces to an undisclosed location, after which, a public pronouncement was made by “Sims,” as the members of his kingdom often address him, an off-the-cuff speech full of pride and long-awaited triumph, at the same undisclosed location.
“It comes as no surprise to us that our long time enemy, The Duchy of Tolanda, never intended to abide by their hypocritical proclamation of neutrality with the Imperial Union. Over the past six years, the Duchy has refused our sincere offers of planetary trades and generous cash infusions into their weakened economy. Our latest offer was to trade our cities and properties on Oshara II, along with various space stations and a billion Galactic Credits, for their cities on Oshara IV and Krmar II.
Apparently, the Duchy's treachery and hypocrisy knows no bounds. Recently, we received reports of military operations being held on the planet Krmar II by Duchy troops under the command of Corey Vildras, who was using his soldiers to build forced settlements to attempt to take control of the planet. As the lawful and legal government of that planet, we viewed it as our duty to respond to the attack immediately. Within twenty-four hours, detachments of Faerytail Guardians under the command of Prince of Mechis Hawkeye, Jedaii Master Legend Myre, Jedaii Grandmaster Gildarts, Faerytail military Commander Azazel Corundum, and myself were in the system and on the ground. The skillful efficiency of these leaders, and the bravery of their troops, meant that the operation was successfully concluded in less than a day, with a minimum of disruption to the citizens of Krmar II.”
Sims raised a finger to the holocams, as if addressing the Duchy members who might be watching the live broadcast. “Let me make this clear: our war with the Duchy is not over. Any other Duchy members caught trespassing on Krmar II or any other planet we govern, will suffer immediate and summary execution. If the Duchy doesn't value their lives enough to barter for them, then neither will we.”
Some yelling and cursing was heard off-camera, in the direction of where Vildras had been dragged by Faerytail security personnel. Sims continued by saying, “I have decided to allow Vildras to have a session or two with Grandmaster Gildarts, who has access to both specialized equipment as well as his mastery of the Force to bring a degree of clarity to Vildras’ mind. I am told Vildras will now see himself for what he always was: a person who has built nothing himself or accomplished anything on his own. A person who has scammed numerous people of their credits through failed investment schemes, and who was given a high position in a Government far in excess of his own skills. A position that was built solely off the theft of a number of planets that were the rightful property of our allies, the Galactic Empire. While it will only be a brief span of actual time, Grandmaster Gildarts assures me that within Corey's mindset, it will feel like years have passed by, and what will be left will have a very different mindset from the one he previously had.”
Sims paused and grew a smile wide enough to display his carefully polished serrated teeth. "As befitting his new mind, we have given him a new name as well: Reeks." The screams in the background faltered a bit, then dropped away to silence. Sims paused in his live speech, as he seemed to turn introspective before continuing.
“Let me just take a moment to say that the Faerytail code of conduct is based on one simple tenant that can be expressed many ways. In essence, it’s simply this: Don't scam. Don't loot. Don't steal. You don't need to be a shady little [editor has removed foul language], to be successful in this galaxy.”
Sims looked out at the crowds of celebrating Faerytail members, then continued, speaking more to them than to the holcams. “We fight fair, but there’s nothing in fairness that requires that we show mercy or kindness to our enemies. Corey Vildras wasn't the first enemy leader we've caught. However, he was unique in the way that he spread lies and slander about us for years to anyone who would listen. And for years, we've taken the high road and haven't responded in kind. We'd say the Duchy were our enemies, that they were weak, and leave it at that. His inability to fight back and put up any kind of defense against our capturing him, belied the weakness in his words. No doubt, the Duchy will simply appoint a new lacky to take over Corey’s old position, but with the same inability to treat us with the respect we deserve, and with an identical outlook on how to mistreat the good people of the Tolanda sector.”
Sims pointed to one of the security personnel at a side door and motioned him forward.
“This is precisely what he deserves.”
As he finished those words, Faerytail security force returned, and between them the ‘new’ Corey Vildras, dressed in the garb normally associated with what some groups would consider as court jester clothing. The crowds cheered in celebration, as the chant of “Dance, Reeks, dance!” could be heard from tens of thousands of voices.
As the holocams focused on the newly-minted Reeks the Court Jester, the deep voice of an off-camera announcer intoned, “If any galactic residents wish to discuss the events with Faerytail Family representatives, or to suggest new dance steps for Reeks to learn while perfecting his juggling routine, they can do so by accessing our holonet system at the channel frequency that follows" Faerytale Family Communication Center