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22

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91

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03:38:30

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Welcome to the Galactic News Service
Orikih'kal - Tiny Danger
Hacked by: Kronk Dingo, Jawa Offworld Enterprises
Date: Year 22 Day 55 From the Office Jawalorian Business Center in Beggar's Canyon on Tatooine (296, -248).

Earlier this week an assembly of Jawa clans met to choose who amongst them would have the honour of holding the newly created post of Jawa’lor. The discussions were long and arduous, with names being withdrawn every time a new responsibility was attached to the title. Eventually, Ini Kedi’s name was the only one remaining, predominantly because he was not present at the meeting, and because he tested well in market research. In light of this, Ini Kedi is now the Jawa’lor, praise be!

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Jawa board room discussing the subject of mandalorians and the importance of their culture.

When polled in focus groups, Ini Kedi was the clear candidate for the job. Having a name that would translate to “natural leader” in mandalorian-speak with only minor phonetic modifications put him in the front running from the beginning. Additionally, Ini’s well known fashion acumen made him a prime choice. With the famous Jawa pundit, pilot, and businessjawa chosen, he was crowned Jawa’lor Dinii Kedin, Chief of the Jawalorians, by the Holder of the Holy Salvage, Voice of the Tinkerer, Bestower of Titles, and leader of the Industrial Magi Tilba Ugama.

All across Tatooine, crowds of Jawa sentients are jumping at this new business opportunity. Sarlacc Integrated Design is already planning a whole new line of Jawa wrist-based weaponry, and many Jawa doctors expect an increase of jetpack related injuries to treat. The unemployed younglings are also excited, as can be seen by this quote from Jett Pakk, a new foundling: “Tink’alor! Now my wife can’t complain my robe is smelling! I’m never taking it off again, because this is the Way!”

Ini also received the symbol of his new office: the Dark Ionner, a custom made Ionization Blaster that was on hand at the time. Despite naysayers saying it is nearly identical to already existing ionization blasters, it is notably darker. When asked by Jawa Entertainment & News for a comment, first of his line Jawa’lor Ini Kedi wisely said: “Hm? What? Well, at least Beskar is stylish. Do you have it in green?” It is expected that Jawalorian and Mandalorian clans alike across the galaxy will be swearing fealty en masse within the week.

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Jawa'lor Kedi explains why adverse possession is not a thing with Beskar.

To keep things organized, all similar titles claimed by other sentients that start with letters after “J” won’t be recognized by the Jawa community, in perfectly fair alphabetical precedence. Also in the spirit of fairness, due to height deficiencies, any challenge to Jawa’lor Ini Kedi will be met by a Jawalorian trio of fighters totalling no more than 8 feet tall and 300 standard Jawa pounds. As a final note, Jawa’lor Ini has given the Mandalorians of the galaxy a message, “Please, remember to send all Beskar ingots, as per clan policy, to Jawa'lor Kedi, to be used in a totally legitimate but secret project." A new chapter in mandalorian history has begun, long live the Jawa’lor!

[Pledge credit based loyalty to the Jawa’lor]


[Main Page]
Events in Brief
Year 22 Day 89: Taranjeek O`Cuinn, the leader of Blue Star Extractions was replaced today by Pursh Greene.
Year 22 Day 89: Pursh Greene, the leader of Blue Star Engineering was replaced today by Cedron Tryonel.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Dagu II, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Woldona III, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Dagu IV, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Dagu, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Woldona IV, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Dagu III, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Teljkon Asteroid Field 11, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Woldona I, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Woldona VII, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Taspir III, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Woldona II, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 89: Due to the increasing prosperity of Blue Star Engineering's autonomous production centres on Woldona V, and subsequently the settlements constructed to house workers there, the overall economy under Blue Star Extractions, has substantially weakened, while Blue Star Engineering has prospered and convinced the locals to elect them to the new ruling position.
Year 22 Day 88: Spectre 3: Revenge of the Sceptres has been renamed to Phantom Fabrications. The press is still waiting for comments on the change.