Inside the vibrant, electro lit den of Scums’ Hideaway on the planet of Irfan C a large, disheveled Ugnaught with several missing teeth makes childish faces at a camera held by an individual wearing what appears to be a swoop club patch, before the cameraman pulls back, and allows the alien to speak into a rustic microphone. Tapping on the object with his dirty fingers a moment, the filthy looking porcine exhales and then begins speaking loudly. His voice rattles the busy tavern initially, before dropping down to the appropriate level.
“Greetings sentients! I’m your host Racklefoot B., and welcome back to another iteration of the infamous Fun Facts Friday!'' the creature says. “That’s right folks, we are carrying on the tradition of the late Fenri Bjornolf by giving you all facts and no filler! Today we dive into information recently declassified by Zann Consortium regarding a guerilla warfare exercise on the planet of Serroco as well as other fun and exciting information.”
“Fact number one: Recently, members of the Skulls swoop gang were caught completely off guard when Consortium dropships descended upon the desolate world of Serroco’s lone city, deploying a mercenary force led by a small contingent of Defilers. In the ensuing skirmish, the Skulls suffered a total of 430 casualties with over half of those being their hired guns.”
“Fact number two: Among the wounded were Korin Jal, Sekou Tau, and Kanhyei Yost. With the Consortium having lost only 3 mercenaries and taking no wounded, that means the Skulls lost approximately 76 times more mercs than Zann brought.”
“Fact number three: According to the Skulls’ own words, 'Our brothers and sisters in arms are inseparable. We look after our own.' Well I can tell you for a fact, no one was looking after Korin Jal as he was getting smacked around that city; especially Sekou Tau as he was spotted fleeing from the starport after being wounded.”
“Fact number four: While Serroco is widely acknowledged to be 'no-man’s-land,' the Skulls claim it as their own; however, are unable to protect their territory from enemy incursions.”
“Fact number five: If Zann had just paid the Skulls fees for being on the uncontrollable world of Serroco, the Consortium wouldn’t have to keep murdering their thugs and droids.”
“Fact number six: Korin Jal and Sekou Tau thought it was wise to bring a blade to a gunfight.”
“Fact number seven: Harlan Ulikk arrived after Defilers left to avoid joining these guys below.”
The suspicious looking humanoid then pulls back a moment, clears his throat and smiles at the camera before commencing speaking again.
“Well that about wraps it up for tonight from out here on the scum and potentially diseased infested planet of Irfan C. However, as I close I would like to touch down on something that is near and dear to my heart.”
“I would personally like to thank the Eidola social service network for saving my life. As a symbol of my respect for their hard work and rescue efforts, I tattooed their mark on my arm. If it hadn’t been for you people, I’d be running hog wild spreading more disease. Plus, I’d still be suffering from those horrific conditions on Drup II because it is a fact : Zann doesn’t care about healthcare for its citizens. Just look at my teeth, they don’t believe in dentists either.”
The Ugnaught pauses a moment and proudly displays his right arm tattoo.
“So that’s all folks. I’m Racklefoot B., telling you all to keep yourself low key, stay sleazy and remember everyone is scum to someone. Zann just doesn’t deny it.”
Burglot reaches over and switches off the camera laughing making an incomprehensible comment to someone in background.
