BREAKING NEWS – Suspected Radiation Sickness on Messet III

Messert III, Mytaranor – Welcome to a special broadcast by your actual favorite droid duo, AP-6 and Clopper from the Resistance News Network. As you may already suspect, this broadcast has been transmitted to you with the support of Bothan Slicers and your local rebel cell. In the order for transparency, let’s all admit that it’s not that hard to get around incompetent Imperial censors. Also, any similarities to other droid-based broadcasts are purely coincidental…

Reports from the Messert III Planetary Development & Faery Coordination Commission which were previously suppressed by Faerytale Security Forces have now been leaked to several information organizations, including our own. These reports indicate high levels of radioactivity at the construction site of the new Faerytail Royal Palace. A wearying fifty-three page document exhaustively details the process by which the site for the new palace was chosen, and clearly highlights the numerous points where construction continued despite warnings from local scientists and citizens.



The report suggests that the location for the new place was chosen at random by the King-Father himself. It is unclear if the King-Father knew the site he had selected was already being used by Faerytail forces to dispose of toxic chemicals, but what is clear is that the King-Father insisted it be built on the site he had chosen, having repeatedly cited his “divine right” and “huge intelligence” for his decision.

Construction started on Year 23 Day 106, through an official decree from Faerytail Court, ordering EVS Construction Droids from Faerytail Resource Management (FRM) to excavate and remove the barrels of toxic spent hyperspace fuel. FRM started excavation on Year 23, Day 128, and continued waste removal operations for one hundred and thirteen days. During this time no less than five construction foremen overseeing the efforts temporarily suspended operations due to health and safety concerns, only to be subsequently sacked by senior FRM leadership. On each occasion a representative from the Faerytail court visited the construction site to berate and threaten the mining crews, and forcibly restart excavations. On Year 23 Day 226, the King-Father was informed of the significant delays and setbacks surrounding the operation. The leaked report suggests that the King-Father was infuriated, and demanded that construction on the palace start immediately. When his advisors warned him of the remaining toxic barrels that had yet to be safely removed from the site and the precautions that construction crews would need, the King-Father allegedly told them to simply plow over the site and have the construction workers, “...inject raw alazhi into their veins…” On Year 23 Day 239, FRM workers began filling in the toxic pit with debris from recycling operations in the area, and started pouring a foundation for the palace. The foundation was completed two days later on Year 23 Day 241.

However, the string of foolish errors did not stop there. Construction on the palace was rushed, in order to meet arbitrary timetables created by advisors from the King-Father’s court. Multiple testimonies from enslaved wookies forced to construct the palace suggest that subpar construction materials were used, including reports that in some cases only enough meleenium rivets were provided to fasten every other load bearing point in the palace’s durasteel frame. Despite questionable building practices and the downright dangerously fast construction timeframe, the Palace was completed on Year 23 Day 319.



More concerning, the report indicates that current testing continues to show high levels of radioactivity in and around the new Faerytail palace. In a bizarre turn of events, the construction crews, palace workers, and Faerytail security services stationed at the palace have begun to show signs of a narcissistic personality disorder. Individuals who have been on site for longer than two galactic standard weeks have started to display symptoms including: an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, the need for consistent and excessive admiration, exaggeration of achievements and talents, delusions of grandeur, and an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others. When medical experts were asked if the King-Father had displayed any symptoms since moving into the palace, they reported that while he might likely also be displaying symptoms, it was difficult to judge what might be radioactively triggered narcissism, and what might just be the king’s personality. Medical Professionals at Kamino Medical Laboratories reviewed the report, as well other authenticated recordings and reports of the King-Father’s interactions. The medical case study has dubbed the radioactively triggered narcissism as “Sims-Disease”.

In other news, fake news and propaganda surrounding the situation on Kashyyyk and the welfare of the indiginous wookiee population continues to cascade from Faerytale and Imperial aligned “news” agencies like waste into sewage pipes. Despite claims by Imperial Union authorities that free wookies are celebrating what has been dubbed “Green Forest Day”, in actuality the “repatriated” wookiees are enslaved laborers forced to stripmine Kashyyyk of its precious natural resources. While small synchronized celebrations have been orchestrated for newsreels, showing wookiees celebrating side by side with Faerytail and Imperial soldiers, reports indicate that the vast majority of wookiees continue to observe Black Forest Day in secret.



Black Forest Day recognizes the wookiee genocide commited by the Galactic Empire on Year 6 Day 357. The Kashyyyk Massacre, also known as the Kashyyyk Death March or the Black Forest Massacre, was a highly-publicized atrocity committed by the Galactic Empire that occurred in Year 6 on Kashyyyk. The massacre was perpetrated by Task Force Delta Executive Officer Tnsumi Shine of the Galactic Empire under the command of Admiral Adar Machkhit. The operation was later described by Imperial officer Joshua Chamberlain as "a clean-up involving the Wookiee population of the planet." Circa Year 6 Day 356, Imperial soldiers formed a human chain that swept across settled districts in an attempt to corral the Wookiees. Although Wookiees were their primary target, Imperial forces ultimately arrested and executed a large variety of sentient beings on Kashyyyk. Task Force Delta forces made extensive use of AT-AT walkers and drop ship transports for this brutal campaign of arrests and executions. Following public outrage against the massacre, the Galactic Empire claimed that Task Force Delta was deployed on the planet to investigate whether the Wookiee inhabitants were conspiring with the Tenloss Syndicate and the New Anzat Order to overthrow Imperial rule. After they claimed their suspicions were confirmed, they ordered to execute every individual on the planet's surface for "collaboration with the enemy" without a trial and without even confirming their identities. The mass execution of sentient beings on Kashyyyk led to the Battle of Kashyyyk on Year 8 Day 93 which resulted in a victory for the New Republic.

While the New Republic may have temporarily fallen, The Rebel Alliance,The Resistance, and their steadfast allies continue the fight against the Galactic Empire and the Imperial Union. Any wookiees looking to join the fight to once again liberate their homeworld should contact their local Rebel or Resistance recruiter.

This is the end of this special report. You may now return to your standard broadcast, Restraining Bolt Fashion, with Wheels-425 and Cheeto-A2.