*The holonet shows the opening for 'The Occasionally Show with Tembre Fe`ll' then cuts to a shot of Tembre behind a desk in the studio. The audience's wild applause dies down.*

Tembre Fe`ll: Hey! Hello people! We have a lot to get to so let's get right to it.

WE BEGIN TONIGHT with a story from the heart of the galaxy. The Imperial Military is one of unrelenting might. Among their arsenal are the Super Star Destroyer, the TIE Interceptor, the Stormtrooper... and now the con artist.

In a shocking display of lack of force, the Empire announced today that it has begun using criminal tactics to catch thieves and pirates. These tactics included fraudulent business deals and bribing middlemen. Now, this may seem a bit odd until you realize that it's all part of the Emperor's broader "War on Irony" campaign.

An anonymous High Command member had this to say to the GNS wire service: "Those that make their living stealing from others will be made to pay."
He added, "unless they're doing it for us, in which case it's all good."

We now turn to our Senior Senior Imperial Correspondant Syn Becket-Fe`ll. Now Syn, this seems to be an incredible turnaround for the Empire.

Syn: You would think so, Tembre, but actually this comes right on the heels of the "If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em" Act that just was signed in to law.

Tembre: But still, the Empire is deliberately breaking its own laws to fight criminals, isn't that a bit hypocritical?

Syn: Oh Tembre, Tembre... you poor deluded fool. The Empire is simply using every tool in its arsenal to stop these cowardly jackals that prey on the weak. Even if they have to lie and cheat every person they come across.

Tembre: Are you saying that they're doing this for the people?

Syn: Look, if the Empire doesn't steal and cheat people, then how will traders go about their business without fear of getting ripped off? It's a simple solution, steal the ships before the thieves can.

Tembre: Okay, I never really thought about it that way. Syn Becket-Fe`ll, people! We'll take a break and we'll be right back.

*The theme plays over 'The Occasionally Show with Tembre Fe`ll' logo.*