Dominion News Network
Woldona I, 23.136
In a press release today, a spokesman for the Blue Star Dominion publicly distanced the organization from Tomas o`Cuinn, a reputable businessman who was accused by the Faerytail Family several days ago of stealing twenty billion credits from the Aurodium Legion and allegedly robbing Black Sun of multiple Star Destroyers and a star system. The spokesman, an older human male wearing a bath robe atop his business attire and sporting a questionably loose mustache, spoke to reporters today inside the primary hangar bay of an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer orbiting Woldona I.
Above: Spokesman Nottomas o`Cuinn speaks to reporters before a backdrop.
"The Dominion has recently become aware of allegations against Marshal Tomas o`Cuinn's conduct relating to the Aluminum Legion and someone's black son," stated Nottomas o`Cuinn, the spokesman. "After a thoroughly brief investigation into the matter, the Dominion condemns his actions and is announcing a-" he stopped speaking for a moment, glancing down at a datapad on the podium, "-twenty billion credit bounty on his head, to be delivered alive. Two million credits dead." Nottomas paused again, sipping on a glass of clear liquid before continuing. "Furthermore, the Dominion would also dispel any rumor about it or its personnel owning any Star Destroyers. Rest assured, the Galactic Empire maintains a firm grip over its warships and technology, and would never allow any Imperial Union member who lost control of multiple Star Destroyers to remain an active member. To suggest that we could possibly own such a powerful warship would be absolutely absurd."
Supplemental Background Information
The Aurodium Legion, a former member of the Imperial Union, is a self-described "contingent of hardened mercenaries" and is named after a shiny rock its founder spotted one day. Analysts at the time suggested the mercenary's membership within the Union was an indicator of the ineffectiveness of the Empire's own military.
The Black Sun, an active member of the Imperial Union, is a former crime syndicate once famous for its influence in the criminal underworld. Its respected standing in the galaxy has rapidly diminished over the years as it has become increasingly an Imperial puppet state, struggling to maintain control over its own assets (allegedly including multiple Star Destroyers and the Gree star system) after an exodus of Vigos and other officers during the troubled von Ismay reign.
The Faerytail Family, an active member of the Imperial Union, is some form of organization led by a self-proclaimed "flamboyantly bi-sexual green alien kitteh tubeworm" who was legitimized by the Emperor upon acceptance into the Union. This leader, a primitive Amani who paints himself green and wears dismembered Cathar ears as some form of religious mating ceremony, is well-known for maintaining the toxic "we're a family" environment within the organization, reportedly the cause of many eye rolls from the Faerytail employees.
Donate to Tomas o`Cuinn's Legal Defense Fund
Donate to the bounty on Tomas o`Cuinn
Inquiries related to this story can be sent to Nottomas o`Cuinn
Brought to you by Galactic Bank (without their knowledge)
