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Year

25

Day

174

Time

18:05:18

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Galactic News Service
Welcome to the Galactic News Service
The Occasionally Show With Tembre Fe`ll
Posted by: Tembre Fell, Order of Krath
Date: Year 5 Day 174 Onboard the Y-Wing Fugitive 01 at galactic position (-6, 50).

*The holonet shows the opening for 'The Occasionally Show with Tembre Fe`ll' then cuts to a shot of Tembre behind a desk in the studio. The audience's wild applause dies down.*


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Tembre Fe`ll: Hey! Hello people! We have a lot to get to so let's get right to it.

WE BEGIN TONIGHT with a story from the heart of the galaxy. The Imperial Military is one of unrelenting might. Among their arsenal are the Super Star Destroyer, the TIE Interceptor, the Stormtrooper... and now the con artist.


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In a shocking display of lack of force, the Empire announced today that it has begun using criminal tactics to catch thieves and pirates. These tactics included fraudulent business deals and bribing middlemen. Now, this may seem a bit odd until you realize that it's all part of the Emperor's broader "War on Irony" campaign.

An anonymous High Command member had this to say to the GNS wire service: "Those that make their living stealing from others will be made to pay."
He added, "unless they're doing it for us, in which case it's all good."

We now turn to our Senior Senior Imperial Correspondant Syn Becket-Fe`ll. Now Syn, this seems to be an incredible turnaround for the Empire.

Syn: You would think so, Tembre, but actually this comes right on the heels of the "If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em" Act that just was signed in to law.

Tembre: But still, the Empire is deliberately breaking its own laws to fight criminals, isn't that a bit hypocritical?

Syn: Oh Tembre, Tembre... you poor deluded fool. The Empire is simply using every tool in its arsenal to stop these cowardly jackals that prey on the weak. Even if they have to lie and cheat every person they come across.

Tembre: Are you saying that they're doing this for the people?

Syn: Look, if the Empire doesn't steal and cheat people, then how will traders go about their business without fear of getting ripped off? It's a simple solution, steal the ships before the thieves can.

Tembre: Okay, I never really thought about it that way. Syn Becket-Fe`ll, people! We'll take a break and we'll be right back.

*The theme plays over 'The Occasionally Show with Tembre Fe`ll' logo.*

[Main Page]
Events in Brief
Year 25 Day 174: BREAKING: Gasteroid has slipped between Geod'n and Diamxi. None dare predict where it will end up. Ord Mantell has raised its planetary shields to maximum power and Gasteroid authorities are starting a mass evacuation at D175 0:00.
Year 25 Day 174: Jarwen`faar Kruder, the leader of Jabiim Consortium was replaced today by Damyo Kruder.
Year 25 Day 173: Amidst the tremors and gravitational anomalies, Linkin Bark performed tonight on Gasteroid as a part of their Twin Suns tour for a record crowd of nearly 950 sentients, setting a new all-time record! Rumor has it that they are donating leaves as a reward for attending!
Year 25 Day 173: BREAKING: Astronomers have measured the changes in Gasteroid's velocity and course. The probability of a collision with Ord Mantell or one of its moons - Geod'n, Diamxi or Quantxi - is considered high. Authorities are not urging an evacuation yet...
Year 25 Day 172: After widespread accusations of corruption by Rebel Alliance in Clak'dor VI Remnants's elections, it is unclear who is the rightful leader of the world's government.
Year 25 Day 172: BREAKING: Astronomers are reporting to the Galactic Science Committee that the moon Gasteroid in the Bright Jewel System seems to be moving. Stay tuned for more updates!
Year 25 Day 172: Officials are receiving reports of tremors, gravitational anomalies and sinkholes from all over Gasteroid. Residents of Gasteroid note that they feel heavier and that walking anywhere takes significantly more effort than before. Scientists are researching these anomalies...
Year 25 Day 171: Authorities have declared a state of emergency on Gasteroid, setting up a blood drive in the Infested Research Centre and asking ANYONE who hasn't donated a sample of their blood to do so.